| RABBI SCHWARTZ'S FUNNY GRAVESTONE JOKES OF THE WEEK "I saw a gravestone that said 'Here lies a math teacher. He finally found peace in being a sum of all parts.'"
"My friend's gravestone says 'Beloved coffee lover. He couldn't espresso how much he meant to us.'" "On another gravestone, it reads 'An avid baker. Life really kneaded him, but he always rose to the occasion.'" "A musician's gravestone reflects 'He was always in treble, but found harmony in the end.'" "A chef's gravestone bears the words 'He spiced up our lives and left us with seasoned memories.'" A skydiver's gravestone bears the words 'He soared through life and embraced the fall. In the end, he took a leap of faith.'" "On a magician's gravestone, it says 'He pulled off disappearing acts with such poise. Now he has vanished into eternity.'" "A carpenter's gravestone reads 'He crafted a life full of love and sawdust. Now he's nailed the final masterpiece.'" "In memory of a librarian, the gravestone declares 'She was always bound to books. Now she rests between the pages of history.'" "A comedian's gravestone states 'His jokes will forever echo in our hearts. Laughter was his final punchline.'" A lawyer's wife died. At her grave, everyone was appalled. The tombstone read, "HERE LIES PHYLLIS, WIFE OF ATTORNEY MURRAY WILLIAMS; SPECIALIZES IN DIVORCE AND MALPRACTICE".
Murray burst into tears. His brother said, "You SHOULD cry, pulling a cheap publicity stunt like this. Murray said, "You don't understand. I gave them my business card" His brother apologized.. But then he continued "…and they didn't include the phone number!" Two men walking in a cemetery find a recent gravestone , so they read it:
"Here lies an honest man and a competent lawyer" So one of the guys turn to the other: "When did they start burying two people together?" What is written on a very successful hacker's tombstone? "R" His IP is well hidden.
Why would I want to buy a tombstone? It's the last thing I need. Yankel was blessed with 12 children yet that was turning out to be a problem for him when he was trying to rent a house. No landowner would allow him to rent their house due to the number of children he had. Frustrated, Yankel told his wife to visit her father's tombstone and bring all but their youngest child with her.
He then visited a property and told the landowner that he would like to rent the place. "Is this your only child?" asked the landowner. "No, I have 12 children" replied the man. "Then where are the other 11 kids?" "In the cemetery with my wife," he truthfully replied. Late one night, Jack takes a shortcut through a cemetery. Hearing a tapping sound he becomes scared and quickens his pace. The tapping gets louder and Jack is now scared out of his wits. Then he notices a man chiseling a tombstone.
"Thank goodness!" Jack says to the man. "You gave me a fright of my life. Why are you working so late?" "They spelled my name wrong." There was once a man named Odd. He was very embarrassed by his name and didn't want anyone to know about it. When he died he had no name written on his gravestone. One day a bunch of tourists came to his town and visited the graveyard where they came across a gravestone with no name on it.
"That's Odd!" He said. This morning as I was walking through I saw someone crouching behind a gravestone. I said, 'Morning.
' He said, 'No I'm just lost my keys.' After my friend died from an allergic reaction to peanuts, I went to his funeral. Everyone got upset when I put an Epipen on his tombstone.
So I explained: "It's what he would have wanted" | 
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