| RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TERRIBLE CHILDBIRTH JOKES OF THE WEEK Watching your wife in childbirth...Is like watching your favorite pub burn down.
Whoever coined the term 'delivery' for childbirth made a big mistake. It should have been called takeout instead. A woman walks into a library and asks for a book on childbirth. The Librarian says "Try over there in the C section."
God created childbirth to give women the chance to experience what it's like...For a guy to catch a cold....
I said to my wife, "They say that childbirth is the most painful thing someone can experience..."
"Now, maybe I was too young to remember, but I didn't think it hurt that much." A blonde gave birth to two beautiful babies, twins, however, she cries endlessly! The nurse then tells her "But see Madame! Why are you crying ? You are now mother of 2 beautiful babies, in good health!
- I know, says the blonde, but I do not know who the father of the second one is! She was a new nurse in the maternity ward in Israel, not aware of the miraculous births that take place here. As she entered the first room she saw a new mother with 4 newborn babies lying next to her in their hospital bassinets. "Wow" she said "are all of these yours?"
"Yes" said the new mother. "I just had quadruplets last night, but actually…" she said "that's quite common. You see, I come from the city of Kiryat Arba (the Israeli community translated as "village of four) and a lot of my friends have four children." "Pretty amazing" the nurse thought as she went to the next room. Much to her surprise the next patient was lying down with 7 little infants around her. "Are these all yours?" she again asked in shock. "Certainly" the proud mom exclaimed, "I'm from Be'er Sheva (the well of seven) and many of us have septuplets". The next room had a mother from the city of Kiryat Shmona (the city of eight) and sure enough 8 adorable little babies were pleasantly cooing around the mother's bed. When the nurse came to the next room though, she immediately turned around and started running out of the hospital. On her way out the doctors asked her where she was going. With a sign of total resignation, the poor lady said "I quit! There's no way I am going in the next room". "Why? What's the matter?" the doctor said. "Don't you know," the exasperated and clearly overwhelmed nurse responded. "The lady in the last room is from Meah Shearim! What do you call a group of baby soldiers? An infantry
What's a group of chubby newborns called? Heavy infantry A woman in labor suddenly shouted, "Shouldn't! Wouldn't! Couldn't! Didn't! Can't!"
"Doctor, what's going on?" asked the concerned father-to-be. "Don't worry," said the doctor. "Those are just contractions." What do you call a cow that had a baby? De-calf-inated
What do you call a group of baby garbage bins? A litter
Mrs. Goat: "Honey, we're going to have a baby!"
Mr. Goat: "You're kidding." Did you hear about the mother who gave birth to her baby while she was in the sky? I guess you can say the baby was airborne.
Did you hear about the lady who had her baby while on an Ocean Cruise? She needed a sea section
Little Berel's new baby brother was screaming up a storm. He asked his mom, "Where'd we get him?"
His mother replied, "He came from heaven, Berel." Berel exclaimed, "Wow… I can see why they threw him out!" How did the baby tell her mom she had a wet diaper? She sent her a pee-mail (sorry couldn't resist..)
How can you tell the gender of a baby?
If he cries it's a boy If she cries, it's a girl I sat next to a baby on a ten-hour flight. I didn't think it was possible for someone to cry for ten hours straight. Even though the baby was impressed, I pulled it off
I requested the flight attendant to switch my seat as I was next to a screaming baby. Apparently, you are not allowed to do that if the baby is yours
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