Clever Definitions...for my intellectual readership.. BEAUTY PARLOR A place where women curl up and dye.
CHICKENS The only animal you eat before they are born and after they are dead.
COMMITTEE A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
DUST Mud with the juice squeezed out.
EGOTIST Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.
HANDKERCHIEF Cold Storage.
INFLATION Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.
MOSQUITO An insect that makes you like flies better.
POLITICAL CORRECTNESS A doctrine fostered by a delusional, illogical minority.
SECRET A story you tell to one person at a time.
TOOTHACHE The pain that drives you to extraction.
TOMORROW One of the greatest labour saving devices of today.
YAWN An honest opinion openly expressed.
WRINKLES Something other people have....similar to my character lines.
OLD I very quietly confided to my friend that I was having an Affair. She turned to me and asked, "Are you having it catered?" . . . And that, my friend, is the definition of 'OLD'!!! Word wizardry A will is a dead giveaway. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana. A backward poet writes inverse. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered. You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it. He broke into song because he couldn't find the key. A calendar's days are numbered. A boiled egg is hard to beat. He had a photographic memory which never developed. The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end. When you've seen one shopping centre, you've seen a mall. If you jump off a bridge in Paris, you are in Seine. When she saw her first strands of grey hair, she thought she'd dye. Santa's little helpers are subordinate clauses. Acupuncture is a jab well done. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference, who acquired his size from too much pi. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was prosecuted for littering. Two silk-worms had a race; the result was a tie. Atheism is a non-prophet organization. I wondered why the football kept getting bigger. Then it hit me. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehabilitation centre said 'Keep off the Grass. Don't join dangerous cults; practice safe sects. |
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