Dr Ruth at Avi Chi on Augst 28 at 21:00 Ruth Westerheimer is even sharper than ever before, when she talks about "sexuality in tradition" at Beit Avi Chai, explaining why Judaism treats such a wonderful sex. Young people of today and why the polyamora has no chance If you ask Dr. Ruth Westheimer, Jews love to talk about sex: "For us, Jews, sex has always been a must and a mitzvah among married couples," she explains, "so it is permissible to speak openly about all things. Not only allowed; It's even better to talk about it and make your life a couple easier and happier. For me, too, throughout my professional life, it was easier to talk about sex openly and blatantly and insolently because I am Jewish. " And why do you think it is? Are Jews more liberal? "No, I do not think that Jews are more liberal or less than others, but in Judaism sex is not dirty or forbidden, sex has never been a crime, it was always something that the husband and wife must have on Friday night, Of pleasure and satisfaction, not only of productivity, but I'm talking about a couple, yes, not about just taking someone in a hotel, "she laughs. Female orgasm is also a mitzvah At the age of 89, Dr. Ruth Westheimer is still the world's most famous sexologist, and the name "Dr. Roth" has become iconic because of the extraordinary character of Westerheimer, who has the pink trouser suits, the witty smile and the yekke accent. The bold and humorous way she talked about sex changed the discourse about sex and sexual therapy in culture and the media and made Westheimer a popular item in magazines and hosting programs around the world. Indeed, the conversation with her is full of juicy stories, surprising examples, incessant laughter - especially mine - and compliments that I understand her humor, "even though you are a journalist." Dr. Ruth Westheimer will Beit Avi Chai 28.8 conversation about sexuality in Jewish tradition and answer questions from the audience (the event will be conducted in the English language). "Sexuality in Judaism it's a topic that interests a lot of people, not only religious," she says, "and I think the idea My exceptions. In my book 'Heavenly Sex' I explain that despite what many people think, sex is not perceived in Judaism only as a means of bringing children; Far from it. There is an agreement here between a man and a woman to devote time and care for each other's satisfaction and pleasure. " The image that many people have about the sexual life of religious couples is very ascetic, far from pleasure. All sorts of stories about a sheet that separates the couple. "It is explicitly written that a man can do with his wife at will and in her will, that is to say, they are allowed to do anything, of course they can be naked, this whole story of the sheet and the hole is in the mouth of Miess. That they do it, or they did it once, but that's just not true of the rule, it's very important to the satisfaction of both partners, and that does not happen if they do not enjoy the sex, I can also tell you that if the man brings his wife to satisfaction before he We have no proof of science, but I believe it is true, and I will explain it in a conversation at Beit Avi Chai, I do not want to whisper. Now the H'tothim heavy. " I'll stay curious for now. So you say that there is a real religious meaning to pleasure, which is important in terms of Judaism? "It's very important! You have to shout it out in the streets of Jerusalem, and you have to know how to reach satisfaction and how to satisfy the other side. Is female orgasm also a mitzvah? "Of course, even after the woman's menopause, the husband is still obligated to have sex with her and to show you how important Judaism attaches to sex, otherwise the concept was that if you can not get pregnant anymore, you do not need to have sex anymore. , The obligation to have sex, continues even after she can no longer conceive, and that's what it's all about. The shedding of sperm is a prohibition that can not be met I have to tell you that I studied in religious education, and the picture you paint is very different from what I saw. We were taught that we had to fight our sexual instinct, for instance in the context of shedding seed in vain. "Giving sperm in vain is a subject of conversation in itself, but I will tell you this: I think that this whole thing that can not be mastered stems from ignorance, but if they had more knowledge about it, they would understand that it was an unreasonable prohibition, And this is a proof of the absurdity of this prohibition, because it is a sign that this is something that should happen, and I think it is a disaster to say something so natural that it is forbidden, and it is also a prohibition that can not really be met. " Further reading: Sexuality in religious society: If not asked, how will we know? The talk about sexuality in the religious sector is mainly about prohibitions. Do you think we need sex education classes in religious schools? "It's not only important, it's a disaster they do not know anymore, I do not want people to be sexually ignorant, they need to know what's going on and what's going on, when they choose to have sex is something else, "He said. If you were the education minister, what was the first thing you would put into the sexual education curriculum? "I would not want to be the minister of education, I do not talk politics about the world because I'm only talking about sex from morning to evening," she laughs, "but if they asked for my advice, I would first separate girls from boys so that it would be easier to talk Boys need to know about night shedding, but in a healthy and nonjudgmental way, and as for childhood, they get a cycle at a younger age than before, so it is very important that every child should know about it in time. But first we have to make a conversation with our parents so that they know what they are going to say in class, and the parents are an important part of it It's not about a revolution, or about a move against someone's faith, but it's important for the children to know that these issues have all kinds of sides. "
More than 40 books (Photo: Yonatan Zindel)
Still, how much room for maneuver is there? Teachers and rabbis will quote you the tractate Sanhedrin, where it says: "A small organ has a man, a star, seven, and a star." That is, the only way to satisfy the libido is by suppressing it. "It's all a matter of interpreting the text, and the libido is important and it's strong and needs to be dealt with, how to treat it, it needs to be provided, and sometimes it has to be given a bit of hunger, for example, couples who keep their purity. They have sex, because it's been 12 days since they were not together, it's fantastic, because it makes the couple really want to be together, in the end you have to give satisfaction. Etc. That's what I understand from that. " You talk about Shabbat as a good time to have sex. What is special about this time? The second thing, more important: At the end of 'Eshet Chayil' there is one sentence that says: 'Many girls have done good, and you have surpassed all of them.' And this is the best sentence "There are many women in the world, I know, but you are the best of them all." This sentence is, in my opinion, the most exciting thing a man can say to his wife , the best aphrodisiac I can think of. It is only if he really means it, of course, if he really thinks that it surpasses all of them . " Olive picker, kindergarten teacher, Tzlafit Ruth Westerheimer was born in Germany in 1928 as Carola Siegel to a wealthy religious family. At the beginning of World War II, she was sent to Switzerland, where she stayed until she was finished. Both her parents perished in the Holocaust, and she remained without relatives. After the war, she immigrated to Palestine, lived in Kibbutz Ramat David and changed her name to Ruth. In the kibbutz she worked picking olives for a year. Afterward she wanted to study medicine, but because she did not attend school and high school in an orderly manner, she made do with working as a kindergarten teacher on the kibbutz. In 1947 she moved to Jerusalem and joined the Haganah, where she was trained as a soldier. During the War of Independence she was wounded in both of her legs in one of the shelling. In 1950 she moved to Paris, where she studied psychology at the Sorbonne, and later taught there. After six years she moved to the United States and studied at Columbia University, where she received her master's degree in sociology and a doctorate in education. Westheimer married three times. Her third husband, Manfred Westerheimer, was married until he died in 1997. She has two children and quite a few grandchildren. Today she lives in New York and comes to Israel every summer. Despite her distinguished age, Westerheimer did not rest for a moment. Throughout her extensive career, she has written nearly 40 books (three of them in the past two years) and has taught at leading universities around the world, including Yale, Princeton, and Columbia University, where she is still teaching as a guest lecturer. She has directed several television and radio programs in Israel and the United States; She lectures all over the world on sexuality; And was even hosted as a lecturer at TED . On her YouTube channel you will find dozens of videos in which she advises about (almost) every question and possible problem of bed life. People recognize you on the street? " They say to me, 'Just a minute, I have a question.'" In every restaurant I sit in, and in public places, sometimes I manage to answer and sometimes I say, 'You must It's impossible to answer one leg. " Are you still taking care of couples? "Today I am no longer a caregiver, but if someone asks me for advice, I am happy to help, because many religious couples turn to me because I know exactly what is forbidden and what is permitted, but I usually refer them to younger therapists - Laughing. "From time to time some of my couples come back to me and ask for one more conversation, and I can not tell them 'no,' but I've already taken care of the thousands and wrote so many books. What question did most couples ask you? "The question I have been asked most often is boredom, the same form, the same day of the week - and it's just not interesting, the second thing is that he or she is often so nice to each other that when they want to have sex, it does not work." That is, the niceness between the couple is not so sexual? "But I think that first of all, the most important thing is to have a good relationship between the couple, it's better to be too nice than to be bad to each other, even if the sex is better, there's a way to switch from niceness to sex. In bed and what to say in bed, and for that there are nannies like me who know how to make bed life more interesting, so sexual therapy is so important. " What is the most bizarre problem you have encountered in therapy? "There is no such thing as the next question!" I will not give up so fast. "They always ask me this, and I always say that for me nothing is strange anymore." But surely they came to you with some strange problem and said to yourself, 'God, what is this thing?' "Once, on my radio program 'Sexually Speaking' , someone called to say that his partner likes to throw onion rings on his erect penis, I admit I laughed a little, but I was not shocked, nothing can surprise me." I've heard you say you're conservative, but look at how you're talking quite openly about pretty bold topics. "I want old people to marry, to have children, after all, I am a Jewish mother." Do you believe in an open relationship? "No, it can never work," she says, "I know it does not work because someone always falls in love or finds the partner of the moment more interesting ... In our time, open marriages do not work. , And when the book came out, they divorced, "she laughs. And what about same-sex couples: gay, lesbian? "There is no problem with this, and each and everyone will be with those who are good for them." If you should now give the most important advice to a couple, what would you say? "I think that one of the most important things in a good relationship is once a week or once every two weeks to go out alone and not talk about the children, because if you get used to talking only about the children, then as soon as they get older, there's nothing to talk about. Not to spend time with boring people, because boredom is contagious, except for the mother-in-law. Do you feel a change in the way young couples interact with each other? "They know more and speak more openly, but there's a danger here ... Young people can not talk to each other today, it's a disaster, they're always with the computer or the phone, afraid to miss something, We do not talk, we get lost. " Or looking for app stings. "It's a disaster, it's a disaster, write in bold letters if you can, because to be happy and for life to be good and satisfying, you have to have a relationship and intimacy first, then you can have sex." People in a relationship sometimes look for sexual thrills on the Internet or - not on us - pornography. "Look, in order to study sexuality today, you also need to know about these things on the Internet, because it's very important to make sex life boring, I'm not talking here about what is allowed and what is not allowed in Judaism, but in terms of sexual search, the important thing is that no one If you get bored, that's the end of the relationship. "But what really matters here is the relationship between the couple, the conversation between them, and dealing with sexual problems can only be done if the relationship between the couple is good, if the relationship is not good, I send to a lawyer, and it is lucky that the Jewish religion is allowed to divorce. I used to say to them: "Do not waste my time and your money, go to a lawyer, and if it's a religious couple, I say you go to the rabbi, but it's only lost cases, There's a lot to do and how to fix it. " | 
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