RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TERRIBLE CHOICE JOKES OF THE WEEK Berel enters his multiple choice (Mivchan Amerakai as they call it here) Bagrut (regent's) Exam. . While all of the other kids are furiously working on their papers Berel flips a coin for each question and picks the choices accordingly. An hour into the exam – when all the students have given in their papers and he's the only one left in the room, the proctor sees that he's still flipping coins; and tells him there isn't much time left and asks him whether he is about to finish. Berel answers: "I've finished half an hour ago, just going through my answers!" Yankel came home from the playground with a bloody nose, black eye, and torn clothing. It was obvious he'd been in a bad fight and lost. While his father was patching him up, he asked his son what happened. "Well, Totty," said the Yankel, "I challenged Moishie to a duel. And, you know, I gave him his choice of weapons." "Uh-huh," said the father, "that seems fair." "I know, but I never thought he'd choose his big brother!" Waiter: How would you like your steak sir? Me: like winning an argument with my wife Waiter: good choice, rare it is. An angel suddenly appears in the Beis Midrash offices during the Rebbie's meeting and tells the Rosh Yeshiva that, in return for his unselfish and exemplary behavior, he will be given his choice of infinite wealth, wisdom or beauty. Without hesitating, the Rosh Yeshiva selects infinite wisdom. "Done!" says the angel and disappears in a cloud of smoke and a bolt of lightning. Now, all heads turn toward the Rosh Yeshiva, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light. At length, one of his colleagues' whispers, "Say something wise."
He looks at them and says, "I should have taken the money.
I'm saying good bye to my i-phone for a little while. My wife says I'm on my iphone every 20 seconds checking it and she can't stand it anymore! I had to make a choice. So I'm going to be offline for a couple of minutes while I pack her bags.
My doctor really likes my choice of sensible footwear...
I overheard him telling his colleague that I had "Serious healthy shoes". Ever travel on El Al. I did last week. The stewardess came over very nicely and asked me
"Would you like dinner?" "What are my choices?" "Yes or no." When you want to change your hairstyle, there are two choices: 'Do or dye.
If you had the choice between World Peace or all of Bill Gates money.... .....what color Ferrari would you buy?
I can't believe my parents support my choice of profession! I told them that I wanted to become a stand-up comedian. They laughed at me.
So David Ben Gurion dies and he comes up to heaven and they don't know what to do with him. On the one hand he established the homeland for the Jews to return and brought thousands to the Holy Land. He gave grants and exemptions for Torah scholars and those that study in Kollel. At the same time he wasn't observant and was even anti-religious, taking children away from their religious homes and trying to make them secular. So they gave him a choice. Do you want to go up or down? He asked to check out the choices and he gets in the heavenly elevator upstairs and the doors open and he sees a beautiful beach. There's music, a free bar and everyone is lounging around the pool and taking it all in.
"Not bad" he says. "let's see option B". He gets back in the elevator and it goes down and the gates open up and he sees surprisingly a similar scene. Beach, drinks, pool and he sees some of his friends playing backgammon that wave to him. So they bring him back upstairs and ask him where he'd like to go. "Well they both seem nice, "He says "but the chevra seems to be downstairs, so I think I'll go there". So they put him back in and he heads downstairs. However this time when the gates open up he sees angels of destruction with torches, people are burning screaming and look terrified. "Woahh, what's this? This isn't what you showed me before?!" Ohhh.., that? That was your pilot trip. Welkam to Eezrael…" So the American people's choices for the next President will apparently be either Donald Trump or Joe Biden. That is the joke. There's no punchline here.
|
No comments:
Post a Comment