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RABBI SCHWARTZ'S MISFORTUNATE JOKES OF THE WEEK
Motivational Story
One Day A Fisherman got up very early in the Morning.
There was not enough Sunlight to get into the Sea.
He saw a Pack of Stones...
To Pass Time he started throwing the Stone into the Sea.
While having the last stone in the Hand,
The Sun came up then he saw that the Stone was a Diamond.
He felt for his Misfortune of Throwing all of them into the Sea.
Moral of The Story:
Don't Get Up Early In The Morning....:
What do you call a divorced cookie? Misfortune cookie.
2 hunters, Bill and Tom, were out in the Blue Mountains one wintery day – looking for some feral game. After nearly an entire day without a sighting they spotted a herd of feral goats and started stalking. So excited & intent were they on their targets that one of them, Bill, didn't watch his footing and had the misfortune to trip and fall off a 12m cliff. Tom found him at the bottom in great pain. His hip was clearly broken and he was going nowhere.
This was bad news as it was a very cold, overcast day, the sun was getting low and temperatures were plummeting. Wondering how they could attract attention Bill said, between gritted teeth, "The international sign of 'man-in-distress' is three shots fired rapidly into the air".
Tom said he'd give it a try. An hour later he tried again. By this time the sun was beginning to set and a light sleet had started. Temperatures were nearing freezing and both hunters were in a bad way. Tom tried once more. An hour later sleet had turned to snow, the wind had picked up and things were grim. Tom turned to Bill and said, "I'll try one more, but if this doesn't work, we're both screwed because these are my last three arrows".
Back in Soviet Russia Rabinovich was called into the KGB headquarters for interrogation and asked
Comrade Rabinovich tell me, what is a fortune?
Yankel answered very quickly "fortune is to live in our Socialist motherland.
"And what's a misfortune?"
"A misfortune is to have such a fortune."
There was a woman with a hundred children. She lacked the creativity to name all of them, so she just named them 1 through 100. Eventually, through a series of misfortunes, 99 of the children died. Only the one named 90 survived. 90 grew up healthy, thankfully. She found a man and fell in love with him. They got married, and happily started a family, with 90 eventually overcoming the trauma of her dead siblings and having kids of her own. The kids grew up. One day, they found a stray dog; they wanted to keep the stray but they were worried about how their parents would react so they did it in secret. They named the dog "This"; an innocuous name that would let them say things like "let's take 'this' out" or "'this' is so funny". One day, when they were walking this, he got run over by a car and died. Only 90's kids will remember this.
A great tragedy befalls Russia. At a state dinner dozens of high ranking officials have died. After eating a mushroom cream soup generals started falling to the floor left and right. The investigation is quick: the official cause is mushroom poisoning. Members of the press are invited to the scene of the tragedy.
"As you can see by the foaming and throat scratching it is clear that some poisonous mushrooms accidentally made it into the soup" says one official.
One brave reporter points out that two of the generals seem to have gunshot wounds to the head.
"What happened here?" he asked.
"Well these two wouldn't eat their soup"
During one of his campaign trips, Donald Trump visits an elementary school and enters one of the classrooms. They are in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings.
The teacher asks Mr. Trump if he would like to lead the discussion of the word "Tragedy." So he asks the class for an example of a tragedy.
One little boy stands up and offers: "If my best friend who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a runaway tractor comes along and knocks him dead, that would be a tragedy."
"No," says Mr. Trump, "that would be an accident."
A little girl raises her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy."
"I'm afraid not," explains the exalted businessman. "That's what we would call a great loss."
The room goes silent. No other children volunteer. Mr. Trump searches the room.
"Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"
Finally at the back of the room, a boy raises his hand. In a quiet voice he says: "If a private jet carrying you was struck by a missile and blown to smithereens, that would be a tragedy."
"Fantastic!" exclaims Mr. Trump, "That's absolutely right. And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?"
"Well," says the boy, "because it wouldn't be a great loss and it probably wouldn't be an accident either."
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