| RABBI SCHWARTZ'S REALLY TERRIBLE CURSED JOKES OF THE WEEK There was once a prince who had been cursed by a witch. the curse was that he could only say one word each year. Well one day, by the stream, he meets a beautiful princess. he decides that he loves her, and doesn't speak for 3 years so that he can save up the words to tell her " I love you". Then, after the 3 years are up, he realizes that he wants to marry her so he stays silent for another 4 years, so he can ask " will you marry me?" The day finally comes. he's so excited, and he's kneeling by the fountain with a smile on his face. He looks up at the princess and says, "I love you. will you marry me? There was silence for a second, before she responds "sorry what was that?" An 80-year-old man is out by a pond one day when a frog jumps onto a lily pad nearby. "Excuse me sir," says the frog, "I know I may appear to be just a frog, but I'm actually a beautiful princess. A witch has placed a curse on me to keep me in this form. The only thing that can break this curse is a kiss. Sir, if you kiss me and break this curse, I'll turn back into a beautiful princess and cater to your every will and desire every day and night. So what do you say?" The 80 year old man thinks for moment then picks up the frog and puts it in his pocket and continues on his walk. "Didn't you hear me?", says the frog, "I said if you kiss me I'll turn back into a beautiful princess and give you every thing you want all day and night." "Eh", says the man, "I'm 80 years old. At this point I think I'd rather have a talking frog." Berel goes to see a great Kabbalist and says, "Can you lift a curse that a Rabbi and two witnesses put on me years ago?" "Maybe," says the Mekubal, "Can you remember the exact words of the curse?" Berel replies, "Mekudeshes Mekudeshes Mekudeshes- (I pronounce you man and wife)." Being an Amputee is a blessing and a curse...On one hand, I have fingers. On the other hand, I don't. Apathy is a curse. But I really can't care enough to do anything about it What do you call a pain reliever that makes you curse? I be profane. A wife got so mad at her husband she packed his bags and told him to get out. As he walked to the door she yelled, "I hope you die a long, slow, painful death." He turned around and said, "So, you want me to stay?" I think my fuse box has a curse on it. Must have been the Mains Witch Me: I don't curse Friend: You promise? Me: I swear. Two priests were playing golf .Father Bob hit his ball into the woods on his first swing, "Darn it! That totally missed!" he cursed. "You shouldn't curse Father Bob!" said Father Michael "Or god might punish you!" Father Bob apologized and they went on playing. On his next swing, Father Bob hit his ball into the sand pit. "Bloody Heck! That totally missed!" he cursed again. Again, Father Michael warned, "Do not utter such words Father Bob, lest god punishes you for it!" Father Bob apologized again and they continued playing. On his third swing, Father Bob hit his ball into the pond. "Freakin G-d That totally missed!" cursed Father Bob once again. Before Father Michael could say anything, a ominous dark cloud suddenly gathered out of the blue sky and a vicious lightning came down and stroke Father Michael, killing him instantly. Father Bob was completely stunned, before he could understand what was happening in front of him, he heard a thunderous deep voice coming from the sky - "Gosh Darn it!! That totally missed!" Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft... Today, it's called golf. Guy was your typical arrogant Israeli suave looking passenger and he sat down next to a pretty woman next to him for their long flight to America. He turned to her and said "Hey did the arilines charge you extra to sit next to such a handsome man?" She took one look at him and said "yeah… but I didn't want to pay…"
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