RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TERRIBLE DREAM JOKES OF THE WEEK A plumber went to the doctor. He said "Doctor, every time I try to sleep I close my eyes and see visions of PVC, copper, steel and corncob. Am I going mad?!" The doctor replied "Relax. You're just having pipe dreams."
Just woke up from a dream about Roman numerals 5, 4, 1, and 500. It was VIVID. Last night I had a dream where I experienced a completely new color. It was a pigment of my imagination I had a dream the other night. I was in the old West riding in a stagecoach. Suddenly, a man riding a horse pulls up to the left side of the stagecoach, and a riderless horse pulls up on the right. The man leans down, pulls open the door, and jumps off his horse into the stagecoach. Then he opens the other door and jumps onto the other horse.
Just before he rode off, I yelled out, "What was all that about?" He replied, "Nothing. It's just a stage I'm going through." Moshe was talking to his psychiatrist. "I had a weird dream recently," he says. "I saw my mother but then I noticed she had your face. I found this so worrying that I immediately awoke and couldn't get back to sleep. I just stayed there thinking about it until 7am. I got up, made myself a slice of toast and some coffee and came straight here. Can you please help me explain the meaning of my dream?"
The psychiatrist kept silent for some time, then said, "One slice of toast and coffee? Do you call that a breakfast?" Tim listened as I told him that the dream consisted of just one thing. A huge, bright, number -5-. It was made of gold and shined like the sun. Tim's eyebrows went up with curiosity. I continued to tell him that the first thing I did that day was to look up the local horse racing track contenders.
Tim raised an eyebrow. I told him that the number 5 contender in the 5th race was named "The Fifth Element." Tim started grinning. Then I told him of what I did to make sure I get my luck working in my favor. I ate 5 bowls of cereal for breakfast and drank 5 cups of orange juice. I went for a 5 mile jog to feel good. I spent 5 minutes in the shower washing off. I dressed in the 5th shirt I found. I sat in my car for 5 minutes before beginning to drive, then I drove to the racetrack and parked in the 5th stall in the 5th row. I entered through the 5th admissions gate and bought 5 programs. I went to the 5th betting window and bet $555 on the 5th horse in the 5th race. I went and sat in the 5th row of the bleachers making sure there were 5 people sitting on both sides of me.I settled in and waited for the race to start. "Well," said Tim. "Did your horse win??!?" I frowned at Tim and said, "Stupid horse came in 5th." It has always been my dream to be a multi millionaire like my father...My father has been dreaming of becoming a multi millionaire too..
I've always dreamed of swimming in a body of water filled with soda. Sadly it's just a Fanta-sea.
Last night I dreamed I was driving a Ferrari in the Formula 1 championship race...I was fast, asleep.
I had the strangest dream last night, I fell asleep inside a muffler. I woke up exhausted.
I had a dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram....I was like, 0mg.
Sam Levinson, the famous Jewish comedian told this story: When his parents were immigrants, escaping the prejudice of war-torn Europe, they fell under the spell of the American dream that the streets were paved with gold.
"When pop got here, he found three things: First, the streets weren't paved with gold… Second, the streets were not even paved. And third, he was supposed to do the paving." I told my son to believe in his dreams, and my wife got mad. She is probably just cranky though since we both just got woken up by our son who had a nightmare.
Grandma's dream finally came true and she went to medical school. As a cadaver… Oy…!
Iranian president Ahmadinejad calls Trump and tells him, "Donald, I had a wonderful dream last night. I could see America, the whole beautiful country, and on each house I saw a banner."
"What did it say on the banners?" Donald asks. Mahmud replies, "UNITED STATES OF IRAN." Trump says, "You know, Mahmud, I am really happy you called, because believe it or not, last night I had a similar dream. I could see all of Tehran, and it was more beautiful than ever, and on each house flew an enormous banner." "What did it say on the banners?" Mahmud asks. Trump replies, "I don't know. I can't read Hebrew." |
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