| RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TERRIBLE AGGRAVATED JOKES OF THE WEEK While on a road trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant, and resumed their trip. When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left her glasses on the table, and she didn't miss them until they had been driving for about forty minutes. By then, to add to the aggravation, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turn around, in order to return to the restaurant to retrieve her glasses. All the way back, the elderly husband became the classic grouchy old man. He fussed and complained, and scolded his wife relentlessly during the entire return drive. The more he chided her, the more agitated he became. He just wouldn't let up for a single minute. To her relief, they finally arrived at the restaurant. As the woman got out of the car, and hurried inside to retrieve her glasses, the old geezer yelled to her, "While you're in there, you might as well get my hat and the credit card!!!" Shloimy asks his father to explain the differences among irritation, aggravation, and frustration. His father picks up the phone and dials a number at random. When the phone is answered, he asks, "Can I speak to Yankel, please?" "No, there's no one called Yankel here," says the person who answered the phone. His father hangs up. "That's irritation," he says. He picks up the phone again, dials the same number and asks for Yankel a second time. "No, there's no one here named Yankel. Stop calling!" the person says. His father hangs up and says, "That's aggravation." "Then what's frustration?" asks Shloiny The father picks up the phone and dials the same number a third time. "Hello, this is Yankel," he says casually, "Have I received any phone calls?" A String Walks Into A Bar, He says, "hey bar keep, I'll have a beer". The bartenders sternly replies, "we don't serve strings here". The string walks away discouraged. He comes in a few days later and tries again, "hey bar keep, I'll take a rye". The bartender, more aggravated replies, "I told you, we don't serve strings here!" The string leaves disappointed. The string figures he will try again a few days later. He walks up to the door of the bar and thinks for a second....This time he ties himself in a loop and messes up his hair. He walks up to the bar and says, "hello bar keep, I'll have a rum and coke". The bartender replies, "hey, aren't you a string?" The string replies, "no, I'm afraid not" What is nice if you are close to it but gets irritating when far away? Someone holding the door for you Two guys are out hunting deer.The first guy says "Did you see that?" "No" the second guy says. "Well, a bald eagle just flew overhead." "Oh. A couple of minutes later, the first guy says "Did you see that?" "See what?" "Are you blind? There was a big, black bear walking on that hill, over there." "Oh". A few minutes later the first guy says: "Did you see that?" By now, the second guy is getting aggravated, so he says "Yes, I did!" "Then why did you step in it?" I asked my wife what three things she finds most irritating. She said, "well, I really dislike Sunday drivers. I'm not particularly keen on loud, obnoxious children. But mostly, I really hate it when I have to repeat myself!" "Oh, yeah, absolutely!" I replied, "You can say that again." You guys hear about the pepper shaker that was attacked by the salt shaker? Apparently the salt shaker was arrested and charged with aggravated as-*salt* Someone told me today is "slap your irritating coworker day" but I don't think that's right "Get slapped by your co-workers day" would be more accurate. Bill and Tom went to the country club for a round of golf. Bill takes his practice swings and checks the wind then takes his swings again. After about 10 minutes of taking practice swings and checking the wind Tom starts getting aggravated and yells. "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD BILL TAKE YOUR SWING ALREADY!". Bill turns to look at Tom and says. "I'm sorry Tom it's just that my wife is up at the club watching and I want to make sure this swing is perfect." Tom looks at his buddy then looks up towards the club and sighs. "Man you can forget it this is a 350 yard shot, you'll never hit her from here." A doctor and a lawyer are at a party...People at the party keep coming up to the doctor and asking him for medical advice. The doctor gets aggravated that he cannot enjoy the party because of the constant medical questions. He notices that his lawyer friend is sitting peacefully in a corner and hasn't been disturbed all night. The doctor walks over to the lawyer and asks him how he is able to go to parties without being bombarded with legal questions. The lawyer replies, "anytime someone asks me for legal advice I send them a bill in the mail." The doctor is ecstatic and decides he is going to do the same. When he gets home he writes out bills for everyone who had asked his advice that night. The next day the doctor can barely contain his excitement as he walks down the street to deliver the bills. When he opens his mailbox, he is surprised that he's gotten a letter from his lawyer friend. When he opened the envelope he realized the lawyer had sent him a bill for the previous nights legal advice. In a courtroom one morning, Barry the Basher was being faced with multiple charges of aggravated battery. He had a reputation of assaulting his victims with a baseball bat. However, the opposing legal team discovered that all of their evidence was either lost or destroyed and were not able to tie him to any of the charges. Due to the lack of evidence, Barry was deemed innocent and set free. When later asked what happened, Barry said, "The batteries were not included in the case." Two old farmers have each 1 big meadow and only 1 sheep each. One farmer proposes to remove the fence between their meadows because the sheep are both lonely. The second farmer agrees, however he wonders how they could tell which sheep belongs to whom. The first farmer comes up with the idea to cut off 1 leg of his sheep, so the 3 legged-sheep is always gonna be his, and the 4-legged belongs to the second farmer. At nightfall they come to an agreement. The next morning the 4-legged sheep wakes the 3-legged sheep up." Hey Buddy, Hey Buddy !!" he says enthusiastically " We are finally together! Wanna go racing ?!" "Sure buddy, but it's not gonna be a fair race, you have 4 legs and I only have 3" "Hmm, let me think... What if I bite of my leg, then we are even and can race all day." " Good idea, lets race!" So the 4-legged sheep bites off a leg and also becomes a 3-legged sheep, they race all day and have a lot of fun. At dusk the two farmers stroll around their meadows and to their surprise they find their sheep both with 3 legs. "Sigh, let me just cut off another leg so I have the 2-legged sheep and you have the 3-legged" says the first farmer. The second farmer agrees, and they head back to their farms. The next morning the 3-legged sheep wakes the 2 legged sheep up. " Hey Buddy, Hey Buddy !!" he says enthusiastically " Wanna go racing again?!" "Sure buddy, but it's not gonna be a fair race, you have 3 legs and I only have 2." "Guess, I'll have to bite off another leg, so we can race all day." "Good idea, lets go race all day again." The 3-legged sheep bites off another leg, both are now 2-legged sheep and race all day and have a hell of a lot of fun. Again around dusk the two farmer stroll around their meadows and AGAIN to their suprise they find their sheep both with 2 legs. A bit aggravated the first farmer cuts of both legs, and claims the legless sheep. The second farmer agrees again and they head back to their farms. The next morning the 2-legged sheep wakes the legless sheep up. " Hey Buddy, Hey Buddy !!" he says enthusiastically " Wanna go racing again?!" "I'd love to but I don't have anymore legs, I don't think I can race ever again." "Nonsense" the 2-legged sheep says " I'll just bite off my 2 remaining legs, so we are both legless sheep, we can race around all day like caterpillars" "Okay buddy, great idea, sounds like fun" The 2-legged sheep bites off both his legs and they race all day like caterpillars, and boy do they have alot of fun again.Again at dusk, the farmers take their daily evening stroll, to their surprise they find both their sheep legless. Desperately, they try to come up with idea's on how to tell which sheep belongs to whom. Untill the first farmer says : " Look, let me just take the Black sheep, you can have the white one
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