| RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TERRIBLE LOTTO JOKES OF THE WEEK At breakfast, Yankel asked his wife "What would you do I if won the lottery?" She replied, "I'd take half, and then leave you." "Great," he said "I won $12 yesterday. Here's $6. Stay in touch." I won $1M in the lottery. And as I promised to Hashem before hand if I won. I gave a quarter of it to charity, and put the other $999,999.75 in the bank. My friend Berel won a million dollars the other day so I asked him what will he do with his winnings? Berel said "Probably pay off my credit card debt". I said "what about the rest of it?" Berel said "well I suppose it'll get paid off eventually". I use to do the lottery but then I heard the chances of getting hit by a car on the way to buy it are higher than the chances of winning. I don't know if that's true or not but it was enough for me to stop. Now i send my mother in law to buy it for me. If I ever win the lottery, I'm going to share it with everyone. Not the money, just going to let you know that I've won. I always wanted to won the lottery, like my father. Your father won the lottery? No, but he wanted too. What's the difference between a man arguing with his wife and a man with a lottery ticket? The man with a lottery ticket actually has a chance to win. If you find $60-80 to be too expensive for ancestry DNA kits, I have a cheap alternative... Announce that you won the lottery and you'll quickly find relatives you never knew you had!. A reporter asked a man how he felt when he found out that he won the lottery. "As soon I saw the numbers line up, I knew it was going to be a wife changing experience. Moishie and Shaindy a cute little Meah Shearim family win the lottery... Shaindy turns to Moishie and asks "Moishie - what are going to do about all those shnorr letters? Moishie says "We keep sending them!"
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