| RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TERRIBLE RAVEN & FLOOD JOKES OF THE WEEK Researchers for the New York Department of Vehicles and Highways found over 200 dead ravens on the Highway recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Pathologist examined the remains of all the ravens, and confirmed that it was NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be from vehicular impacts. However, during the analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws. By analyzing these paint residues it was found that 98% of the crows had been killed by trucks, while only 2% were killed by cars. The DMV then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills. They quickly concluded that when ravens eat road kill, they always have a look-out raven to warn of impending danger. They discovered that while all the lookout New York ravens could shout "Cah", not a single one could shout "Truck". What's the difference between a crow and a raven? All birds have tail feathers that help them fly called pinions. Crows have 3 pinions and ravens have 4. The difference is just a matter of a pinion. I saw an ill Raven on the side of the road, and took it to a vet. After a few tests, the vet tells me that it has a viral infection, and to put on a mask. Turns out it had Crowvid. Why did the flight attendant prevent the raven from boarding the plane? He had too much carrion. Did you hear about the hate-group whose members are mainly doves and chickens? It's called the Coo Clucks Clan. God: Earth is going to be flooded. Someone should build an ark. Moses: I Noah guy who can do it Noah's son walks into a kosher deli and orders a sandwich. "Sorry," said the owner. "We don't serve Ham." One day God calls down to Noah and says, "Noah me old friend, I want you to make me a new Ark". Noah replies, "No probs God, me old Supreme Being, anything you want after all you're the boss... But God interrupts, "Ah, but there's a catch. This time Noah, I do not want just a couple of decks, I want 20 decks one on top of the other". "20 DECKS!", screams Noah. "Well, OK, whatever you say. Should I fill it up with all the animals just like last time?" "Yep, that's right, well . . sort of right . . this time I want you to fill it up with fish", God answers. "Fish?" queries Noah. "Yep, fish . . well, to make it more specific Noah, I want carp wall to wall, floor to ceiling Carp!" Noah looks to the skies. "OK Go.., let me get this right, You want a New Ark?" "Check". "With 20 decks, one on top of the other?" "Check". "And you want it full of Carp?". "Check." "Why?" asks the perplexed Noah, who was slowly but surely getting to the end of his tether.......... "Dunno", says God, "I just fancied a Multi-Storey Carp Ark. What did Noah say after he let the dinosaurs in? Welcome to Jurassic Ark Dear Noah, We could have sworn you said you were leaving at 4:00. Sincerely, The Unicorns * |
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