| RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TERRIBLE WILD ANIMAL JOKES OF THE WEEK What animal has more lives than a cat? Frogs, they croak every night! What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it? It gave a little wine. What do you call an exploding monkey? A baboom. Why couldn't the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted. Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building? Of course. The Empire State Building can't jump. Why did the lion always lose at poker? He was playing with a bunch of cheetahs. What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter. Yankel went on safari with his wife and mother-in-law. One evening, while still deep in the jungle, the wife awoke to find her mother gone. Rushing to her husband, she insisted on them both trying to find her mother. Yankel picked up his rifle, put on his hat, and started to look for her. In a clearing not far from the camp, they came upon a chilling sight: the mother-in-law was backed up against a thick, impenetrable bush, and a large male lion stood facing her. The wife cried, "What are we going to do?" "Nothing," said Yankel. "The lion got himself into this mess, let him get himself out of it." Berel was a Jewish dog who went on a safari with his owner Shemerel. One day Berel the dog starts chasing butterflies and before long he discovers that he is lost. So, wandering about he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having lunch. The dog thinks, "Uh Oh, I'm in trouble now". Then he noticed some bones on the ground close by, and immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the dog exclaims loudly, "Man, that was one delicious leopard. I wonder if there are any more around here?" Hearing this the leopard halts his attack in mid stride, as a look of terror comes over him, and slinks away into the trees. "Whew", says the leopard. "That was close. That dog nearly had me." Meanwhile, a Achmed the monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off he goes. But the dog saw him heading after the leopard with great speed and figured that something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The cat is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine." When Berel saw the leopard coming toward him with the monkey on its back, he thought to himself, "What am I going to do now?" But instead of running, the dog sat down with his back to his attackers pretending he hasn't seen them yet. And just when they got close enough to hear, the dog says, "Where's that monkey, Achmed,. I can never trust him. I sent him off half an hour ago to bring me another leopard, and he's still not back!!" | 
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