| RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ETERNITY JOKES OF THE WEEK Berel goes over to his Rabbi and tells him that he has strong desire to live to eternity "Get married," replies the Rabbi. "It's that simple? Would that allow me to live forever?" "Not really, but the desire will disappear." The Satan greets Yankel the know it all in Gehenom and tells him "This is the lake of lava you will be spending eternity in" Yankel responds-" Actually, since we're underground, it would be magma" Satan "You understand this is why you're here, right?" A lawyer just lost a career making/breaking case so Satan sees this as an opportunity to approach him and make him an offer. Satan: I will make you the most successful lawyer in history. You will never lose a case again. You will be famous. You will be wealthy beyond your wildest imagination. Lawyer: What's the catch? Satan: I want the souls of your parents, your siblings, your spouse, your children and all your future descendants for damnation in hell for all eternity. Lawyer: Okay, but what's the catch? Brain cells die, skin cells die, hair cells die, but fat cells must be the holiest cells of all because it seems that they were granted eternal life A shekel dies and goes to heaven. At his arrival at the gates of heaven, the Hashem Himself welcomes him while angels play the trumpets. The shekel doesn't believe his eyes as he is being given the most beautiful cloud of all with riches and food and honey for eternity. The next day the 200-shekel bill dies. He also rises to heaven but there doesn't appear to be anyone. He pushed the gate open by himself but behind it is nobody but one angel playing on his phone. The 200-shekel bill asks for his cloud but is given a little filthy grey rainy cloud. As he tries to make himself comfortable in which is doesn't succeed, he sees the shekel on his right partying with all the angels at his enormous white cloud. Upset he goes to Hashem himself to complain. "Why does the shekel get the best cloud while I get this stormy trash? I'm more valuable, right?", he demands Hashem responds "yeah, but you we didn't see that much in shul" I am the beginning of eternity, the end of time and space, the beginning of every end, And the end of every place. What am I? The letter 'e'. My girlfriend and I got in a fight the other day... After a minute, she said "This is the last straw" and left. I panicked. I called and texted wondering where she was. After what felt like an eternity, she comes walking in the front door with groceries. Confused, I said, "I thought you were gone forever? I thought you were done with me." She said "No honey...I told you...we ran out of straws..."
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