| RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TERRIBLE NAME JOKES OF THE WEEK Top Twenty Goyishe named cities (I did not make this up… It's for real!) 35) Zig-Zag, Oregon (I was actually there and bought hand made shmura matzos in store there)
34) Why,Arizona 33) Whynot, North Carolina 32) Okay, Oaklahoma 31) Sandwich, Massachusetts 30) Need More, Texas 29) No Name, Colorado 28) Normal, Illinois 27) Odd, West Virginia 26) Peculiar, Missouri 25) Lick Fork, Virginia 24) Hygiene, Colorado 23) Left-Hand, Virginia 22) Looneyville, Texas 21) My Large Intestine, Texas 20) Hell, Michigan 19) Hazard, Kentucky 18) Gripe, Arizona 17) Greasy, Oaklahoma 16) Goose Pimple Junction, Virginia 15) Bacon, Indiana 14) Bee Lick, Kentucky 13) Beer Bottle Crossing, Idaho 12) Big Rock Candy Crossing, Vermont 11) Bird-in-Hand, Pennsylvania 10) Boring, Oregon 9) Bowlegs, Oklahoma 8) Carefree, Arizona 7) Cheesequake, New Jersey 6) Chicken, Alaska 5) Eek, Alaska 4) Dinkytown, Minnesota 3) Dog Walk, Kentucky 2) Embarrass, Minnesota 1) Fart, Virginia What do you call a man in the ocean with no arms and no legs? Bob What do you call a man who has a spade for a head? Doug What do you call a man who doesn't have a spade for a head? Douglas. What do you call a woman who has one leg longer than the other one? Eilene What do you call a woman who has legs of equal length? Nolene What do you call an asian woman who has one leg longer than the other one? Irene. What do you call a man who is always at your front door? Matt. What do you call a man who has a car above his head? Jack. What do you call a man who is always stealing stuff? Rob. What do you call a guy who keeps vomiting? Chuck. What do you call a guy who is building a wall in the middle of a river? Adam. What do you call a guy with a radio? Roger. What do you call a man sitting in hot water? Stew. What do you call a man who is sitting in barely warm water? Luke. What do you call a man who is hanging on a wall? Art. What do you call a man who fixes potholes for a living? Phil. What do you call a man who is always sitting on the toilet? Lou. What do you call a woman who sits on the toilet twice? Lulu What do you call a man who has cat scratches all over his face? Claude. What do you call a woman who catches fish using her body? Annette. What do you call a guy who loves exercising? Jim. What do you call a man who works in deceased estates? Will. What do you call a man who is unable to stand up? Neal. What do you call a man who has no 5 cent coins? Nicholas. What do you call 2 guys in a window? Curt and Rod. One day Abe was sitting on a park bench, when he sees his friend Jack coming towards him with another gentleman. Jack says to Abe "let me introduce you to my friend from the old country, this is Shaun Ferguson". Shaun Ferguson Abe wonders, "How did you get a name like that"? So Shaun replied that his name in the old country was Mottle Rosenschwieg. "My uncle, who was in America 10 years before me, told me to tell immigration that my name was Morris Rose. I practiced saying my new name for the entire trip on the boat. I asked the American sailors to say it for me and learned to pronounce it. I was standing in line at the immigration for two hours, worrying about everything, when the officer finally asked me my name, I said, "Shoyn fergessen",. (Yiddish for forgot it)So that's what the immigration man wrote." Walking through London's Chinatown, a tourist is fascinated with all the Chinese restaurants, shops, signs and banners. He turns a corner and sees a building with the sign, "Moishe Cohen's Chinese Laundry." "Moishe Cohen?" he muses. "How the heck does that fit in here?" So he walks into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman behind the counter. The tourist asks, "How did this place get a name like "Moishe Cohen 's Chinese Laundry?" The old man answers, "Is name of owner." The tourist asks, "Well, who and where is the owner?" "Me, is right here," replies the old man. "You? How did you ever get a name like Moishe Cohen?" "Is simple," says the old man. "Many, many year ago when come to this country, was stand in line at Documentation Centre. Man in front is Jewish gentleman from Poland. Lady look at him and go, 'What your name?' He say, 'Moishe Cohen.' Then she look at me and go, 'What your name?' I say, 'Sem Ting.'" Sara and her daughter were on the way to the mall for an outing. Suddenly Sara stopped short at a red light causing the car to jolt. As soon as Sara jerked her 3 year old daughter in the back seat hollered, "Moishyyyy". Not sure why she had called her husband's name, Sara asked her, "why did you say that?". "Isn't that what you say when someone stops like that", she innocently replied Morris started his very own business, which almost immediately began to prosper. He was soon a very rich man. One day, his bank manager called him and said, " Morris, I have a query on one of your recent checks. Could you confirm it is one of yours? For years, you've been signing all checks with two X's but this one is signed with three X's. Is it yours?" Morris replied, "Yes, it is. Since I've become so wealthy, my wife thought I ought to have a middle name." A Gabbai approaches a guest in the shul and says,"I want to give you an Aliyah. What is your name?" The man answers, "Esther ben Moshe." The Gabbai says, "No, I need your name." "It's Esther ben Moshe," the man says. "How can that be your name?" The man answers,"I've been having financial problems,so everything is in my wife's name." David is telling a new joke to Yossi. "Yitzhak and Hymie were talking one day..." Right away, Yossi interrupts him. "Always with the Jewish jokes! Give it a rest! Why do your jokes always have to be about Jews? Just change the names to another ethnic group for once will you David!" So David starts again, "Hashimoto and Suzuki were talking one day at their nephew's Bar | 
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