| RABBI SCHWARTZ'S FUNNY WIDOW JOKES OF THE WEEK Sam died and left $50,000 in his will for an elaborate funeral. As the last attenders left, Sam's wife, Rose, turned to her oldest friend, Sadie, and said: "Well, I'm sure Sam would be pleased."
"I'm sure you're right" replied Sadie, who leaned in close and lowered her voice to a whisper: "tell me, how much did it really cost?" "All of it" said Rose. "50,000." "No!" Sadie exclaimed "I mean, it was very nice, but really.......$50,000?" Rose nodded. "The funeral was $6500. I donated $500 to the church for the priest services. The food and drinks for another $500. And the rest went towards the memorial stone." Sadie computed quickly: "$42,500 for a memorial stone? Exactly how big is it?" "Seven and a half carats." Why are women called a "widow" when their spouse dies, but a man is called "widower"? Do men have to be better at everything? What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is at all times? A widow
Berel was a wealthy 70 yr old man when he lost his wife and wasn't seen by his friends at their country club for a long time after. Then one day he walked into the club with a gorgeous young woman on his arm, and introduced her as his wife. Getting him aside, they asked him how he managed to attract such a beauty.
"I lied about my age by 20 years" he said. "What, you told her you're 50?" They replied "No, I told her I'm 90" he answered. Faygie's husband Chaim'l dies, and she spends many years as a widow, missing him terribly.
In time, she too passes away, and is excited to see her husband in heaven. She runs up to him, ready to give him a big hug, saying, "I've missed you so much!I can't wait to be with you now forever" Chaim'l gets a big frown on his halo'd forehead and says, "Hey, hey, hey, not so fast. The deal was 'til death do we part.'" Why didn't the widow attend the 9am funeral? She wasn't a mourning person
A man walks up to the Widow at a funeral and asks if he can say a word.
"Of course", she replies. The man plucks up the courage and says, "Bargain". The Widow looks at him, teary eyed and says, "Thank you so much, that means a great deal". OYYY! Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow Zelda and asked her how old her husband was?" "98," she replied. "Two years older than me."
"So you're 96," the undertaker commented. She responded, "Yeah I know it's hardly worth going home is it?" "This is the hardest part of our job," said the police officer to his rookie trainee after Adam was pronounced dead in the accident.
"Yeah, you have to learn how to break the news slowly. His wife is a very sensitive person." So the rookie police officer knocks on the door and Adam's wife opens it. " Hi," he introduced himself , "Are you Adam's widow?" said the police. | 
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