The Giant Claw--this has to be seen to be believed and close enough to April fools day

Can't see images? Click here... Rabbi Yehuda Lave Take A Breather As you read this paragraph, you will be breathing. Be aware of your next breath. Every time you breathe, you can either breathe subconsciously or you can choose to breathe mindfully. And then you can choose to be grateful for each breath, which is what the Midrash suggests that we do. Since you breathe regularly throughout the day, the practice of being grateful for each breath will fill your day with gratitude. There are courses on art appreciation and music appreciation. Breathing appreciation will enhance your life even further. Spend five minutes counting your breaths. This will increase your awareness of how often you breathe and will slow down your breathing. When you breathe slowly and deeply, your nervous system relaxes and becomes calmer. Slow, deep breathing alleviates anger, tension, fears, and stress. These states are not conducive to clear thinking or happiness. As you breathe slowly and deeply your mind clears and you will be able to gain a broader perspective that is helpful in dealing with those underlying issues that have caused the distressful feelings in the first place. When you add gratitude, the process becomes much more effective. I am often asked, "What is the one spiritual exercise that would help me connect with the Creator?" "Breathing," I suggest. "Breathing?" is often the incredulous reply. "Yes, breathing! When you make breathing a spiritual experience, you gain a greater awareness of the Almighty's love and kindness. You appreciate that He gave you a need for oxygen so you would be constantly reminded that He is giving you what you need to stay alive. We are all addicted to oxygen. Try to hold your breath for thirty seconds and the only thing you will be thinking of is, "I need my oxygen fix right away." This is a healthy addiction, and no one suggests that we give it up. So since you are breathing anyway, upgrade its quality. Be grateful for each breath. Begin right now with your next ten breaths. Love Yehuda Lave convicted terrorist murderer Rasmea Odeh being hosted in Chicago to speak at a conference StandWithUsMarch 8 at 5:52pm · Why is a convicted terrorist murderer Rasmea Odeh being hosted in Chicago to speak at a conference at the Hyatt Regency McCormick Place on March 30 - April 2? Rasmea Odeh, also a leader of Women's Day campaigns, has been tried and convicted of the murder of two students in Palestinian terror attack in which she placed a bomb in a supermarket. She then lied about being a terrorist to gain entry into the US. She has no place speaking at the Hyatt Regency or playing a leading role in the women's march. An American victim of Palestinian terrorism is now speaking out and urging the cancellation and condemnation of the events. ENOUGH with the celebration of murderers. Contact the Hyatt Regency Here: +1 (312) 567-1234 The Giant Claw--this has to be seen to be believed and close enough to April first to laugh good JEWISH PRESS 1981   DRIVE THEM OUT!   (Rabbi Meir Kahane, may G-d avenge his blood, had the ONLY answer to exist in safety in our land.  Thousands of Jews were killed, because we didn't do what had to be done.)   The Torah states clearly:  "And you shall drive out all the inhabitants of the land from before you . . .  but if you do not drive out the inhabitants of the land from before you, then those whom you allow to remain will be like thorns in your eyes and thistles in your sides and will torment you in the land in which you dwell" (Numbers 33.52.55).   The Biblical commentators are explicit  "And you shall drive out the inhabitants and then you shall inherit it and be able to exist in it.  And if you do not, you will not be able to exist in it"  (Rashi).   "When you shall eliminate the inhabitants of the land, then you shall be privileged to inherit the land and pass it down to your children  But if you do not eliminate them, even though you will conquer the land, you will not be privileged to hand it down to your children" (Sforno).   "This verse refers to nations  other than the seven nations found there . . .  Not only will they hold that part of the land that you did not conquer, but even concerning that part which you did conquer and settle in, they will distress you and say, 'Rise and get out'" (Ohr HaChaim).   And so the Midrash tells us: "Joshua sent three messages to the inhabitants [of Canaan].  He who wishes to evacuate – let him evacuate; he who wishes to make peace – let him make peace, he who wishes to make war – let him make war" (Vayikra Rabba 17.6).   The choices are given.  Either leave, or prepare for war, or make peace.  The choice of "making peace" is explained by Rabbis as involving three things.  To begin with, the non-Jew must agree to adopt the seven basic Noahide Laws, which include the prohibitions against idolatry, blasphemy, immorality, bloodshed, robbery, eating flesh cut from a living animal, and a positive action – adherence to social laws. Once he has done this, he has the status of a resident stranger (ger toshav) who is allowed to live in Eretz Yisrael (Avoda Zara 64b) if he also accepts the conditions of tribute and servitude.   The Biblical commentator, the Radak, explains (in his commentary to Joshua 9:7):  "If they uproot idolatry and accept the seven Noahide laws, they must also pay tribute and serve Israel and be subject under them as it is written (Deuteronomy 20:11, 'All the people . . . shall be tributaries to you and shall serve you.'"   Maimonides (Hilchot Melachim 6:11) declares: "If they make peace and accept the seven Noahide laws, we do not kill them for they are tributary.  If they agreed to pay tribute but did not accept servitude or accepted servitude but not tribute, we do not acquiesce until they have accepted both.  And servitude means that they shall be humble and low and not raise their head in Israel.  Rather, they shall be subjects under us and not be appointed to any position over Jews ever."   Far better than foolish humans did the Almighty understand the dangers inherent in allowing a people that believes the land belongs to it free and unfettered residence, let alone ownership, proprietorship, citizenship.  What more natural thing than to ask to regain what it rightly believes to be its own land?  And this over and above the need to create a unique and distinctly separate Torah culture that will shape the Jewish people into a holy nation.  That uniqueness can only be guaranteed by the non-Jew having no sovereignty, ownership, or citizenship that could allow him to shape the state's destiny and character.   And so, concerning any non-Jew, Maimonides writes: "'You shall not place over yourself a stranger who is not of your brethren' (Deuteronomy 17:15).  Not only a king, but the prohibition is for any authority in Israel.  Not an officer in the armed forces. . .not even a public official in charge of the distribution of water to the fields .  And there is no need to mention that a judge or chieftain shall only be from the people of Israel. . .  Any authority that you appoint shall only be from the midst of your people" (Hilchot Melachim 1:4).    The purpose is clear.  The non-Jew has no share in the land.  He has no ownership, citizenship or destiny in it.  The non-Jew who wishes to live in Israel must accept basic human obligations.  Then he may live in Israel as a resident stranger, but never as a citizen with any proprietary interest in the land or with any political say; never as one who can hold any public office which will give him domination over a Jew or a share in the authority of the country.  Accepting these conditions, he admits that the land is not his and therefore he may live in Israel quietly, separately, observing his own private life, with all religious, economic social and cultural rights.  Refusing this, he cannot remain.   This is Torah. This is Jewishness.  Not the dishonest pseudo-"Judaism" chanted by liberal secularists who pick and choose that "Judaism" that finds favor in their eyes and who reject that which their own gentilized concepts find unacceptable HE IS FLYING THEM BY THE VANCOUVER PLANETARIUM , The guy flying the 3 kites is in his 80s, and he's from Canada . He comes to the Washington State International Kite Festival every year. His skin is like leather as he normally flies with his shirt off. He is deaf, so when he flies we hold our hands up and wave them for applause. He flies 2 with his hands and the 3rd one is attached to his waist. Enjoy! You must watch to the end to see the amazing landing of that last kite! Make sure the volume is turned up because the music ( 'The Flower Duet' from 'Lakme' by Leo Delibes) is wonderful and totally reflects the soaring of the kites.                       START THE DAY WITH A SMILE   Did I read that sign right? TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW. ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ -   In a Laundromat: AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT. ------------------------------ ------------------------------ -----------------------------   In a London department store: BARGAIN BASEMENT ON 2ND. FLOOR... ------------------------------ ------------------------------ -------------------------   In an office: WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN. ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ---------------   In an office: AFTER TEA BREAK, STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD. ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ --   Outside a second-hand shop: WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN? ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ --   Notice in health food shop window: CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS... ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------   Spotted in a safari park: (I sure hope so.) ELEPHANTS- PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR. ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ---------   Seen during a conference: FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR. ------------------------------ ------------------------------ --------------------------   Notice in a farmer's field: THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES. ------------------------------ ------------------------------ --------------------   Message on a leaflet: IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS. ------------------------------ ------------------------------ -----------------------   On a repair shop door: WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - AS THE BELL DOESN'T WORK.) Proofreading is a dying art, wouldn't you say? ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ --   Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife And Daughter This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this. It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible!!! They put in a correction the next day. ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ -----------------   Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says Really? Ya' think? ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ----------------------   Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers Now that's taking things a bit far! ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ---------------------   Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over What a guy! ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ---------------------   Miners Refuse to Work after Death No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so's!   ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ---------------------   Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant See if that works better than a fair trial! ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ----------------------   War Dims Hope for Peace I can see where it might have that effect! ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ----------------------   If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile Ya' think?! ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ----------------------   Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures Who would have thought! ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ---------------------   Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide They may be on to something! ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ --------------------   Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges You mean there's something stronger than duct tape? ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ --------------------   Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge He probably IS the battery charge! ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ --------------------   New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group Weren't they fat enough?! ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ --------------------   Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft That's what he gets for eating those beans! ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ --------------------       Kids Make Nutritious Snacks Do they taste like chicken? ****************************** ****************************** ********************   Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half Chainsaw Massacre all over again! ****************************** ****************************** ****************************** ****   Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors Boy, are they tall! ****************************** ****************************** ****************************** *****   And the winner is... Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead Did I read that right? Marx brothers playing the piano together See you tomorrow-Love Yehuda Lave Rabbi Yehuda Lave Your mailing address Contact Phone Website LIKE TWEET FORWARD You received this email because you signed up on our website or made purchase from us. Unsubscribe